Hole History
SCENE: A northern newspaper production room - sometime in the mid-80s
Micky: Anything for the hole at the bottom of seven?
Pete: What hole?
Micky: I left a hole at the bottom of seven - two pars'll do it.
Pete: Page seven? That shudda gone ten minutes ago - one's off in five minutes!
Micky: Two pars! Just gimme two bloody paragraphs and I'll sort it.
(Pete frantically searches through paper piled lazily in three small boxes in the centre of the sub-editors table)
Micky: Used all that crap.
Pete: Why'd you leave a bloody hole, then?
Micky: Jimmy Wragg always left a hole. Useful things holes, he said. Leave a hole 'cos you never know when you might want one. I just forgot about the hole tonight, OK? Two pars. Two pars! Anyone'd think I was asking for Newcastle to win the title.
(Pete turns his attention to a spike - tears off the third sheet down)
Pete: Here fill your bloody hole now! God bless Jimmy Wragg!
Micky: Salt of the earth was Jimmy. Fond of his holes. Always left a single coloumn hole on page five for breaking stories. You can never have too many holes, he said.
(Micky rapidly scribbles instructions on the sheet of yellow national news agency paper. Henry enters room)
Henry: Page one's gone, Pete. Just seven now - there's a hole at the bottom?
Pete: I know there's a damned hole; Micky's dealing with it now.
Micky (handing Henry the sheet): Consider the hole filled. I'm sure our readers in Durham will be keen to read about the poor pear crop in Kent.
Pete: That was a hole lotta fun - pint?(
Based on a true story)
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